Why Do So Many Busy Moms Think They Have ADHD?

“Ugh, I lost my keys again. Thanks, ADHD!” sighs Hilary, a neighbour who often walks the dog, listens to a podcast, and eats breakfast all at the same time.

“I have post-it notes all over my house. If I didn’t have them, I’d be a failure, because, y’know, ADHD.” shrugs Tia, a client who runs a thriving business and is actually not a failure.

“The house is constantly a mess. Adam is sooo frustrated with me. And the worst part is, I’ve had so many opportunities to deal with it, I just can’t seem to motivate myself, you know?” Carla says dejectedly.

Well, yes. I do know. Like all these women, I too wonder if I have ADHD.

As we learn more about neurodiversity, it has helped me understand the struggles I faced in school. I often daydreamed, lost focus, and could only concentrate on things that immediately interested me.

I also had the messiest locker of anyone I knew. Without understanding this as a cluster of symptoms, I was constantly frustrated with myself for these difficulties.

A diagnosis of ADHD used to have a stigma. Now I think it can actually de-pathologize the nagging sense of incompetency that many sufferers of ADHD experience. 

In our Vancouver counselling clinic, we hear revelations of ADHD on the regular. As we learn more about neurodiversity, our collective “a-ha” moments are becoming more frequent. 

It’s such a relief to understand that our biggest frustrations come from something deeper than just incompetence.

And one of the fastest growing groups of people asking themselves “Do I have ADHD?” are adult women. Overwhelmed adult women. And even more specifically? Busy moms.

Many of them come to therapy saying they’ve been googling “ADHD mother signs”, trying to figure out if they have ADHD, burnout, or both.

Feeling Overwhelmed, or is it ADHD?

All of the above people I just mentioned? They are also mothers.

Not only are they mothers, but they have careers that are important to them. And homes to tend to, dogs, ageing parents – heck – some of them even have houseplants!

Were our brains actually meant to make this many decisions, remember this many deadlines and sign up dates? Keep straight all the birthday parties, business meetings, doctors appointments? Add to that: marital stress, lack of support (what village?), financial uncertainty, and tanking levels of estrogen, well. You might be a little distracted. 

Not every busy mom feels overwhelmed, and not every overwhelmed mom has executive functioning struggles severe enough to resemble ADHD. 

If you’re overwhelmed by too much information or too many things to do, your brain can start to feel frustrated and disconnected.

This happens in the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that helps with memory, focus, and self-control. These same areas don’t work as well for people with ADHD.

People with ADHD often get overwhelmed faster. This makes it hard to figure out whether the symptoms – like trouble focusing, restlessness, or acting on impulse – come from ADHD or just being overwhelmed.

Were you recently diagnosed with ADHD, or are just feeling overwhelmed by everything? Counselling can help. We will match you with a therapist that can help you learn coping skills for those difficult moments.

Symptoms of ADHD in women

How can you tell the difference between ADHD and overwhelm?

ADHD symptoms like inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulsivity usually show up in childhood, often before age twelve. Overwhelm, on the other hand, tends to come and go with stress or crises, while ADHD symptoms are consistent and interfere with daily life.

Think about whether your struggles have been lifelong and define how you function. Reflect on your school years—how were you with organization, self-discipline, and focus?

Experts recommend avoiding self-diagnosis and getting an assessment from a qualified physician or psychologist. ADHD mom symptoms can look a lot like burnout in motherhood.

Signs of ADHD symptoms in women include:

ADHD symptoms in mothers can look like:

• Making careless mistakes that often lead to being called out.
• Difficulty with multi-tasking (you burn the rice when making a stir fry) or managing multiple relationships (you plan a party and forget to invite your favourite people)
• Overpromising and underdelivering 
• Missing deadlines, forgetting appointments, being chronically last minute
• “Spacing out” at meetings or in conversation (or when spending prolonged time with your kids)
• Difficulty keeping organised or tidy at school, home, or work.

For many people searching for ADHD mother signs, this list feels like a mirror: it isn’t about being lazy or uncaring, it’s about a brain that is working incredibly hard to keep up.

If you are struggling to stay focused, missing deadlines, and having difficulty regulating your emotions and impulses, it is important to seek out a proper ADHD assessment.

Talking to your family doctor is a great way to start. Many people who suspect they have ADHD actually are struggling with burnout, overwhelm, or anxiety. Likewise, many people who wonder if they have anxiety or depression actually have ADHD. There is a lot of overlap in our mental health conditions and psychological struggles.

It’s important to receive an ADHD assessment to help tease out your symptoms.

“In a world where multi-tasking is a badge of honour, our attention and focus really pays the price. It can be really hard to tell the difference between ADHD and chronic distraction, especially among busy women who feel like they need to be constantly proving themselves.

But whether you have ADHD or are overwhelmed, counselling can be a really good place to start exploring strategies for developing a more clear headed, simplified, and present life.”

Cat Main – Registered Clinical Counsellor Vancouver B.C.

Get to Know Cat Main who focuses on anxiety and stress counselling.

Mothers With ADHD

ADHD mom burnout happens when the challenges of ADHD combine with the demands of motherhood. Moms with ADHD can find tasks like organizing, staying focused, and managing time harder. This makes parenting feel even more overwhelming.

Over time, this can lead to feelings of exhaustion, frustration, and emotional overwhelm. When left unchecked, ADHD mom burnout can result in heightened stress, feelings of inadequacy, and difficulty managing emotions.

Counselling for ADHD

Counselling can be a key tool in helping you self-regulate and find grounding. Whether your scattered state stems from overwhelm or ADHD, support is available. However, the strategies counsellors use to help you may differ, depending on what the cause of your symptoms is. Your counsellor might ask many questions and suggest seeing a doctor for more clarity or medication if needed.

Counselling for ADHD often focuses on home and work relationships and the emotional impact of living with undiagnosed ADHD.

People who struggle with ADHD symptoms are used to others in their lives being frustrated with them, and this can lead to conflict and defensiveness.

Counselling for ADHD may include:

• Emotional regulation skills
• Relationship support and couples counselling
• Working on self worth and self compassion
• Counselling for anxiety (yes, having ADHD can cause tremendous anxiety!)
• Counselling for depression (if you spend years and years in a state of frustration with yourself, there is bound to be some negative self-talk)
• Psychoeducation on the relationship between ADHD and relationship and family problems

Additionally, executive functioning coaches can help those with ADHD help manage time management, self-discipline, impulsiveness and focus issues.

Understanding ADHD Burnout vs Depression, or Stress in Moms

• Burnout: Burnout happens when long-term stress from work, caregiving, or other tough roles leaves you feeling exhausted. You might feel tired, irritable, detached, or less productive. Burnout can often get better with rest, setting boundaries, and making lifestyle changes.
• ADHD Burnout: ADHD burnout comes from managing ADHD symptoms like forgetfulness, impulsiveness, and feeling overwhelmed. It happens when someone with ADHD tries to keep up with expectations without enough support or rest. This burnout causes fatigue, frustration, and trouble focusing but usually improves with ADHD-friendly strategies.
• Depression: Depression is a medical condition that causes deep sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in things you usually enjoy. It’s not caused by stress and often includes changes in sleep, appetite, or focus. It comes with feelings of worthlessness. Depression needs professional help, like therapy or medication.

The differences between burnout, ADHD burnout, and depression

Burnout comes from stress and can get better with rest. ADHD burnout is tied to ADHD challenges and improves with specific strategies. Depression doesn’t go away with rest and needs medical treatment to manage.

ADHD in moms isn’t just “mom brain” it’s a neurological difference that can make stress and overwhelm even harder to manage.

So there you have it. I hope this post will help someone feel less alone in their struggles, whether it be with ADHD or overwhelm.

Do you think counselling could help you or someone you know deal with ADHD or overwhelm? You are not alone, and we would love to help! We will match you with a therapist that is ready to listen and support you.