Have you ever wondered what a therapy session about Mom Rage looks like? Here’s a peek inside… and you might be surprised to know, it’s not just breathing exercises and affirmations! 

On Monday morning, my first client of the day, Emily, sunk into my sofa, looking deflated. “I just don’t feel like myself,” she said. 

I looked at her, signaling with my eyes for her to continue.

“I am such a grump these days at home. I lost it over the weekend with the kids when they weren’t listening to me at bedtime. And my husband receives the brunt of it. I partially feel bad for him…but if I’m being honest, I want to punish him.”

“Punish him for…?”

“For getting to do whatever the f-he wants. He plays tennis. He goes out with his friends. I even heard him planning a kayak trip!” 

“And what’s the worst part about all of that?” I asked her. 

“It’s not fair! If I did these things, my kids would revolt. I can barely go to the bathroom without them, and they hate it when I go out, even for a couple of hours. And they do need me…I am at work all day.”

“You feel torn, I get it. When you’re not working, you feel that you owe your complete presence to everyone. And you want to give that. And sometimes you hit a wall. You have needs accumulating that keep getting pushed aside, or bargained away, sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of guilt, and sometimes because you don’t even notice they exist at all!”

“I have needs?!” Emily scoffed. “Sure, okay. But who has time for that? Plus, I don’t deserve to complain.

I’m privileged enough to afford daycare, have a home, and a partner who contributes, even if it’s imperfectly. I should just be grateful.”

“Emily, gratitude is important in times of struggle, yes. And, I’m curious. Does it cost you and your family in other ways when you dismiss your needs?”

If you recognize yourself in Emily, you’re not alone. Many working parents describe a specific kind of anger that builds quietly until it explodes: mom rage while managing parenting and work, house tasks, and the mental load that never seems to turn off.

Why Does It Happen?

It’s common for moms to feel overwhelming guilt and shame after experiencing outbursts or moments of intense frustration. You might think, “Am I a bad mom?” or feel guilty for being unable to control your emotions.

The truth is, many moms experience moments of anger and exhaustion. Mom rage often stems from a combination of maternal anger and feeling like there’s a lack of support in your daily life.

For many, mom rage isn’t about “snapping for no reason”, it’s a natural response to chronic overload, invisible labour, and the constant pressure to perform at work and at home.

Want to set boundaries, manage emotions, and rediscover your calm. We can help! Join Rage to Resilience: A 10-Week Program for Overwhelmed Moms.

 

Is burnout the cost of trying to be Supermom?

Burnout, husband-hating, mom guilt…do you identify at all with these struggles? If so, I’d encourage you to answer that question, too: “Does it cost you and your family in other ways when you dismiss your needs?”

Have you been feeling chronically irritable, and blaming it on the difficult kids, the messy house, the inattentive husband? When we have reactions that seem outsized or out of control, we often are longing for something we need and want but are currently not getting enough of. 

I’m gonna put two truths out there. The first is, your needs absolutely deserve to get met. The other truth is, ain’t nobody gonna roll out the red carpet for you so that you can head out the door to go meet your needs. 

This is why a big part of counselling for overwhelmed moms, especially for mom rage, is about helping women deal with barriers to self-care. These barriers can come from both inside and outside their lives.

By being aware of the needs that are not being adequately met, you can take responsible action. You can prioritize yourself when possible, set boundaries, and communicate your needs to the important people in your life. 

If it didn’t occur to you to link your current behaviour to your unmet needs – well, let’s just say, you can be forgiven. 

The suppression and dismissal of our own needs at the expense of being the best (or perfect) mother starts even before our babies are born. 

Do you routinely say yes to something, even when you are exhausted? Yup, me too.

Do you say, “it’s okay, I’ll do it,” even when it takes you away from something else that you actually want to do? Been there! 

Let me ask you this: do you ever tell yourself that no one but you can handle all the emotional and physical work of running your family?

Well, the jig is up, because if you keep going like you’re going, your over-functioning might turn into a repetitive strain injury called burnout.

Burnout often leads to resentment, especially during caregiving and parenting. After a while, resentment has a way of off-gassing into your communication with your family.

Maybe it’s in the form of being passive aggressive, maybe it’s in grumpiness and irritability.

Sometimes, we just have a full blown mom rage explosion. 

Managing uncontrollable anger—or anger management for moms—starts with small, actionable steps. Yes, deep breathing is still part of it, but it’s about more than that.

Take deep breaths to steady yourself in the moment.

Step away for a few minutes to reset, and set boundaries so your partner can step in when needed.

Journal to process and explore your emotions.

These practices can help you pause before reacting, giving you space to reflect on what your mind and body truly need in that moment.

Over time, these small shifts can reduce the frequency and intensity of mom rage, and help you feel more like the parent you want to be.

“One of the most effective ways to manage mom rage in the heat of the moment is to focus on grounding techniques. Taking deep breaths, splashing cold water on your face, or stepping into another room for a quick reset can help your body move out of the fight-or-flight response. Saying to yourself: “I can get through this tough moment” gives a kinder and more accurate alternative to harsh, automatic thoughts like, “I can’t do this” or “I’ve failed as a mom.

 These simple actions give you a moment to pause and regain control, even during the most chaotic parenting moments.”

Nicole Nozick – Registered Clinical Counsellor Vancouver, B.C.

Get to Know Nicole, an Open Space Counsellor who specializes in mom rage.

Addressing Unmet Needs = Real Self-Care

Our children and families have so many needs, and their needs often feel higher stakes than our own. And sometimes they are – and sometimes, they’re not. If you automatically suppress too many of your own needs to care for the needs of others around you, you might be setting yourself up for burnout and exhaustion. 

If it’s helpful, you can think of your needs as existing in four broad categories: Physical, Relational, Esteem, and Purpose (PREP).

Physical needs include: 

• food
• sleep 
• rest/downtime 
• exercise
• safety and security

Our Relational needs can be:

• connection
• help/support
• love
• belonging
• friendship
• affection
• intimacy/sex/romance

Esteem needs refer to our need to be:

• valued
• respected
• listened to
• appreciated
• recognized for accomplishments
• independent
• confident

Finally, Purpose needs refer to our need to have outlets for:

• meaningful pursuits
• interesting work
• creative outlets
• intellectual stimulation 
• spiritual connection
• connection to a greater movement

We are pretty good at identifying when we’re feeling off, and not always the greatest at getting specific about what we are missing, and when and how to meet these needs.

So, that all sounds good – but if you’ve spent years on autopilot, how do you begin to know what you need? 

 “Over 60% of parents experience significant levels of stress and exhaustion. These two factors lead to extreme burnout. For moms in particular the constant mental load combined with societal pressure to “do it all” can lead to chronic fatigue. You are not alone in these feelings. Addressing your burnout requires acceptance. Once that is complete it is time to implement strategies to help you get past the burnout.”

Cat Main Registered Clinical Counsellor Vancouver, B.C

 

Learn more about Cat, a specialist in postpartum and motherhood.

How to figure out what you need when you’re on autopilot

Here’s how to start. When you notice yourself being grumpy, or vibrating with resentment, or about to lose it: pause.

Put your hand on your heart – this is a gesture of care towards yourself. Ask yourself:’ what do I need right now?’ Another way of asking: “What am I longing for?” Your first response might be something like: “I need to go to Mexico all by myself!” Work with that. Keep going.

What would that solo tropical vacay provide you with?

Maybe it becomes “I need someone else to make decisions for me” and that becomes, “I need to share the mental load more, and not tackle every decision on my own.” or it might be “I need more pleasure and fun in my life!”

You’ll want to keep going until you arrive at a core need that is irrefutable.

From there, we can look at the smallest step you can take to start meeting that need. 

Next, ask yourself: whose responsibility is it to meet this need? For example, consider the common refrain “I need more respect.”

I bet you do! But whose responsibility is that?

You can ask your growing child or busy husband for more respect, and it’s great to have regular conversations about respect with loved ones. However, this lesson focuses on you taking responsibility for understanding your own needs.

So “I need more respect” might be “I need better boundaries” or “I need to respond effectively when I am being mistreated.” or “I need to stop bending over backwards for the people who are disrespecting me.”

Your needs also require a “when.” Ask yourself: when can I meet this need?

For example:

• “I need rest.” When should you go to bed at night?
• “I need more quality conversations in my life.” When can you book a date with your partner or best friend?
• “I need time alone.” When should you block off your calendar and put your phone on ‘do not disturb’?

Needs require time, and time is a scarce resource. That’s why your needs and your calendar are a match made in heaven! 🫶

Lastly, think about the difference between meeting your needs through indulgence versus nourishment.

Indulgence might look like going shopping when you’re feeling down, having a cocktail to relax, or booking a facial when you need a boost. These things are enjoyable, and there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself now and then.

However, indulgence has a short-term effect. Nourishment, on the other hand, is about playing the long game.

It’s setting boundaries so you can get to bed earlier, taking a weekly night off bedtime duty to go for a walk with a friend, deepening a skill you’re naturally good at, or having honest, solution-focused conversations with your partner to address the mental load you’re carrying.

Why we need to talk about mom rage

Many moms hesitate to talk about mom rage because they fear judgment or misunderstanding. Those dinner dates with your friends are more important than you think they are.

Addressing these feelings openly—whether with a therapist, a partner, or a trusted friend—is a powerful step toward healing. Seeking mom rage help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a way to show up more fully for yourself and your family.

Ask for help. Then, ask for more help.

Drilling down to your core needs takes time, and the best way to get there is by practicing regularly and asking for help.

Seek the support of those around you to ensure you can rest, exercise, feel good, accomplish your work, and spend time with the people you cherish.

Asking for this support shouldn’t feel like a guilty pleasure—it should be a given, part of what makes motherhood sustainable and fulfilling.

Trying to make a dent in your burnout, but not sure where to start? Let us help you! Check out Rage to Resilience: A 10-Week Program for Overwhelmed Moms. 

This program blends therapy sessions with video modules and practical homework to help you stay grounded, set boundaries, and practice self-kindness.

When to Get Help for Mom Rage

If you find yourself feeling constantly angry, overwhelmed, or unable to manage outbursts, it might be time to seek professional support. Chronic exhaustion, resentment, and strained relationships can be signs of burnout that need more than a quick fix. Therapy can provide a safe space to process emotions, identify triggers, and develop strategies to feel more in control and grounded. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not failure—you deserve support.

At our Vancouver counseling practice, we provide therapy for moms (and dads!) who are struggling with care fatigue, burnout, and mom rage. We see the human beneath the overwhelm and help you take care of yourself. With our support, you can show up for your family in a more grounded and effective way—even amid the chaos!

Match with a Therapist.