Got the Monday blues?
Twenty years ago today, a British psychologist developed a formula that calculated the third Monday in January as the most depressing day of the year. The formula took into account factors like weather, debt, morale, and low motivation.
Okay, but... really?
It’s worth noting that this concept is pretty low on the scientific validation score. But it has occurred to me that depression or not, the third week in January is kind of when reality hits. Maybe you made some New Year’s intentions on how you were going to reset old patterns, get unstuck from sticky relationships, and show up as your best ever self in 2025.
And then, the realities facing you set in. You want your relationship to thrive, but your partner is still stonewalling you and pushing your buttons. You want your mother’s comments to slide off your back, but that tender nerve is still there! Fasting and cold plunging seemed like such an easy win, but then you got slammed with that cold that sidelined you. And the world… oh, the world out there! Why can’t it give everyone a break?
If you are finding yourself feeling a little discouraged and deflated as January advances, here are a few thoughts to help you reconnect with your motivation and confidence, and turn Blue Monday into a mental health day.
Are you ‘but-ing’ yourself?
- “I would exercise, but…”
- “I’d like to have an honest conversation with my friend, but she’d never understand.”
- “I’d like to be more calm around my kids, but they’ve been terrible lately!”
A simple, but elegant strategy: replace your ‘but’ with an ‘and’.
- “I don’t have much time to exercise today, AND I think I can pull off a ten minute video.”
- “It’s hard for me to communicate when I’m nervous, AND I know I need to set a boundary with my friend, so bring on the messiness!”
- “My kids have been very intense lately, AND I know that with some skills, I can de-escalate myself when they trigger me.”
The ‘and’ is magical. Try it!
Are you ‘should-ing’ yourself?
- “I should be trying to date more often.”
- “I should be nicer to my mother.”
- “I should finish all of those projects I’ve started and stalled on.”
Anytime you start a sentence with ‘I should’, ask yourself: “would it be helpful to…”
- “Would it be helpful to go on more dates right now?”
- “Would it be helpful if I were more patient with my mother when she tells long stories?”
- “Would it be helpful to me if I finished that project, even though it would be time consuming and expensive?”
‘Should’ provokes guilt, and might not reflect something that you value or even want. Asking whether something would be helpful invites you to consider whether you are willing to do something hard in order to be happier/healthier/the type of person you want to be.
Are you too vague?
Being specific gives us a way better chance at progressing towards our goals and values.
“I want to spend less money” ➡️”Daily Starbucks is gonna be Friday Starbucks.”
“I want to nag my husband less” ➡️”I’m going to drop all my comments about his chewing, his music taste, and the way he loads the dishwasher, but I will continue to advocate for a more balanced parenting approach.” (Or, maybe I’ll consider marriage counselling!)
Want more in depth strategies on how to set yourself up for success in 2025?
Here are two ways:
- Read our blog: New Years Resolutions You Can Stick To
- Want a bespoke plan to help you identify where you’re getting stuck (and how you might even be getting in your own way?) No need to search for “therapy near me”. Book an appointment with one of our therapists, who can see you virtually OR in-person at our Vancouver counselling clinic! (Pro tip: Use our fancy new self-service filter to find your match, or have our therapist matching team find a great fit for you.)
Looking for more professional help options?
Trauma counselling can help you make sense of the interplay between present triggers and past events. At our Vancouver counselling clinic, we have trauma counsellors who are experienced and skilled in helping you recognise the subtle signs of a trauma reaction. Our therapists will validate your experience, provide you with a safe container to work through the feelings and triggers coming up, and help you with strategies to stay grounded and present so that you can feel sturdier during these fraught discussions.
Counselling for People Pleasing and Difficult Conversations
If you’re conflict avoidant but also really connected to your values, finding yourself at odds with someone you care about will present you with a lot of internal conflict! It’s important not to suppress your feelings, and equally helpful not to give into reactivity.
It’s not easy to unpack all of this on your own. We’re here to help you.
Check out our Team of Vancouver Counsellors
Are you currently struggling with a reaction to current events that is leaving you feeling disempowered, angry, or alone? We can help you make sense of what might be going on, and explore meaningful strategies that promote more connection and internal stability.
Therapy with one of our skilled, non-judgmental, and experienced counsellors can help you untangle your emotions and find your voice. We can help you build confidence and trust yourself, even when you’re being challenged.
You can read more about our team of Registered Clinical Counsellors here, and book a free consultation through this link.
About the Author
Elana Sures is the owner of Open Space Counselling. She has a Masters degree in Counselling Psychology from UBC (2005) and is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and an Accredited Clinical Supervisor with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors. Elana is a go-to expert on the psychological experiences of female high achievers.