Why We Lose It – And How to Recover
Freaking out, overreacting, spinning, losing it. It happens to the most seemingly serene of people. And it’s the most natural thing in the world: freaking out most definitely predates any form of rational thought or more sophisticated abstractions of the mind.
It’s All About Your Limbic System
Essentially, we’re all just nervous systems walking around with fancy clothes on. When we freak out, it is the limbic system in your brain, particularly the amygdala, that has grabbed the reins, emotionally reacting to the perception of threat. Perception is the key term here, because the amygdala is suffering from a bit of an imperfect operating system. Its fight, flight, or freeze mechanism is marvellously effective when we really need it to react to threat (a car speeding toward us, for example), but because it doesn’t distinguish actual threat from perceived threat, it leads to some powerful reactions in situations that, while stressful and challenging, do not really require an emergency response (bumping into an ex at a party, being in a job interview).
When you combine this with memories of painful past events in life, which get stored in the hippocampus (another key component of the limbic system), being caught off guard can put us in a perfect storm.
Emotional Triggers Can Be Subtle or Obvious
It begins with a trigger. It could be dramatic and obvious (your child has a screaming protest to putting her shoes on) or it could be subtle enough that we can’t believe how bothered we are (your colleague yawned; your spouse didn’t call; someone took a parking spot). Your body, meanwhile, is silently keeping score. Maybe it starts with heat creeping up your face, your jaw clenches, your stomach bottoms out and there’s a faint throbbing behind your eyelids. “I can’t handle this,” you say to yourself. “Nobody cares about me.” “Why bother?” If those vulnerable primary emotions – fear, sadness, inadequacy – feel overwhelming, they might morph into rage, which at least gives us the illusion of control.
Sometimes We Overreact
Then comes our reaction. Maybe we shut down and disconnect from others – an internalised form of freaking out (a ‘loud silence’). Maybe you yell at people, burst into tears, or become biting and sarcastic. You come across as mean or frantic or dramatic, but the truth is that you probably feel quite helpless. Perhaps your reaction is occurring in the midst of a stressful week or a fragile emotional period, or perhaps it is just another expression of a deeply grooved pattern. Our emotional reaction and resulting behaviour that follows being triggered is heavily influenced by context, personality, and our inner fortitude – in other words, how much tolerance we have to our own emotions, and how solidly we are able to weather the sometimes turbulent nature of our lives.
The net effect: at times, we respond to disappointing or stressful but not emergency events more intensely than the situation warrants. While this is part of being human, it’s hard to deny that we’re better off when we can prevent freaking out before it hurts other people caught in the fray. Additionally, extreme reactions can get in the way of actually effectively dealing with the original issue.
How to Stop Yelling: What It Really Means
Yelling is one of the more visible ways emotional dysregulation shows up—especially during moments of frustration or feeling unheard. It’s often not about anger alone, but a sign that something underneath needs attention: feeling overwhelmed, invisible, powerless, or exhausted.
If you find yourself yelling more than you’d like, start by noticing the early signs of escalation. Is your body tensing? Is your breath shallow? Are your thoughts racing?
Building awareness is the first step. With practice, simple regulation tools—like pausing to breathe, taking space, or naming your feelings out loud—can create a crucial buffer between the trigger and your reaction. You’re not a bad person for yelling. But you can learn a different way to respond.
Common Causes of Emotional Dysregulation and Limbic System Dysfunction
Emotional dysregulation doesn’t come out of nowhere. Often, it’s the result of multiple factors—both past and present—that impact how we experience and express emotion. When emotional reactions feel overwhelming or disproportionate, it’s often a sign that something deeper is affecting the brain’s stress-response system. The limbic system, which helps us process emotion and threat, can become overly reactive when it’s been under prolonged strain.
Long Term stress and burnout can chip away at our emotional capacity. When we’re overwhelmed or stretched too thin, even small frustrations can feel unmanageable and even create physical symptoms.
Past trauma or unresolved emotional pain may lie just beneath the surface, making us more sensitive to certain triggers—often without us realizing why.
Learned patterns from childhood also play a role. If you grew up in an environment where emotions were ignored, punished, or misunderstood, it can be harder to regulate them as an adult.
Mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, or ADHD often affect emotional control, as do physical factors like sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, or even blood sugar dips.
Understanding the root of emotional dysregulation is a powerful first step toward healing, and a reminder that your responses make sense in the context of your life experience. The good news? The brain is adaptable. With the right support, it is absolutely possible to retrain the nervous system and build more resilient pathways for emotional regulation.
Self-Care is Key to Emotional Regulation
It’s always helpful to look at some of the things that help tether our emotions. These include:
- Meaningful connections with other people – when we have good people in our life who truly care, we’re more likely to believe that we’ve got what it takes to cope.
- Sleep is the new black. When we don’t get enough of it, things get to us more.
- Enjoyable exercise is its own type of medicine. Our nervous systems rely on regular physical exertion to be more balanced, alert, and healthy.
- Down time. Whether it is a creative hobby, unstructured romping around, or reading a good book, playing restores the soul and reduces stress. Rest is the resistance!
- Nature soothes us – this is a fact. Get out into the green and blue parts of your world more often.
- Feed yourself well. The term “hangry” exists for a reason.
Talking to Someone Can Help
Counselling can be quite helpful if you find that you are having episodes like this more frequently than you want to be, or if they are sufficiently intense that they are compromising relationships and functioning. There could be underlying issues that are coming out in these outbursts, and professional therapists can help draw these out and address the roots, which is much better than doing damage control in the aftermath of losing it.
Emotion Focused Counseling
Another effective approach for improving emotional regulation is Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT). This method starts with a simple idea: our emotions carry important information, and healing begins when we learn to listen to our emotional responses, rather than avoid or override them.
In EFT, the focus isn’t just on calming down or fixing behaviour, but on understanding what your emotions are trying to tell you. A therapist trained in this approach helps you explore the deeper feelings underneath your reactions—like hurt, fear, or shame—and work through them with compassion.
By learning to stay present with difficult emotions instead of pushing them away, many people find that their responses become less intense and more manageable over time. The goal isn’t to control your emotions, but to understand them—so they no longer control you.
Find a Vancouver-Based Emotion Focused Therapist
DBT for Emotional Regulation
One approach many therapists use to help with emotional regulation is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). Originally developed for people who experience intense emotional ups and downs, DBT is now widely used to support anyone who wants to better understand and manage their emotions.
DBT combines acceptance and change—helping you make space for how you feel, while also giving you tools to respond differently. Skills like practicing mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation can reduce reactivity and build a stronger sense of internal stability over time.
It’s a practical, evidence-based approach that meets you where you are—and supports steady, sustainable change.
Learn DBT Emotionalal Regulation Techniques in Vancouver
Resetting the Limbic System Naturally
And if you have found yourself going from 0 to 60 and vibrating? It’s never too late to de-escalate. Try one, some or all of these strategies:
- Deep breathing into your belly. There is science behind this. When you take in oxygen, it tells the reactive limbic system that there is no real emergency. This helps it calm down and reduces stress levels.
- Leave the situation, if only for long enough to breathe and ground yourself. Walk around the block, go to a different room, even a washroom if you need time to yourself.
- Tell yourself something that grounds you. “I’ve got this.” “I’m doing the best I can.” “This will pass.” Make sure you buy into it.
- Validate the emotion, but question the assumptions and your reaction: “I can understand why I feel so rattled right now!” But does the fact that my child is screaming in public really mean that I’m an incompetent parent? I need to find a way to look after myself for the next moment so that I don’t yell at the kids.”)
- Go for a sensory distraction. Listen to a song that uplifts or calms you (have it downloaded and ready to go). Watch a YouTube video or movie clip that makes you laugh or soothes you.
- Call a friend – I’m not just stealing this one from that game show! It’s a good one for a multitude of situations
Moving Toward Emotional Balance
Emotional regulation isn’t about being calm all the time, it’s about building the inner resources to improve your quality of life.
Whether you’ve noticed patterns you want to shift, or you simply want more ease in your day-to-day experiences, working with a therapist can help. At Open Space Counselling, we offer a safe, non-judgmental place to explore what’s underneath emotional overwhelm—and to learn practical ways to move through it.
Whether you’re in Vancouver or elsewhere in B.C., Open Space Counselling offers a safe, non-judgmental space to work through emotional overwhelm.
Reach out today to book an appointment or match with a therapist.