It started with a text:
“Let’s go on a bike ride tonight! Bring the kids, pack a picnic.”
I stared at my phone. Tempting, yes. But we were toast—depleted from a week of late bedtimes, sibling squabbles, and too much sunscreen in the eyes. “I wish we could,” I typed back, “but we’re all wiped. Another time!”
No biggie, right? Just an easy no.
Wrong. That one small “no” was a triumph over years of burnout and frustration (and a good bout of therapy). Because for a long time, I said “yes” like it was my job.
Do You Compare Yourself to Others?
Summer is peak season for Fomo (Fear of Missing Out). It’s the season of curated Instagram sunset photos, beachy adventures, road trips (with happy passengers), and garden parties that look like they were sponsored by a lifestyle brand.
Behind the scenes, it’s also the season of too much screen time, messy living rooms, massive credit card bills, and long queues everywhere.
Two things are true: summer is awesome. And, summer can be stressful. Imagine if we accepted both realities, and were open about the highs and lows? Particularly for the parents among us, who know intimately that summer is a mixed bag of freedom, messiness, joy, meltdowns, fun, and frustrations.
As a therapist (and a people pleaser in recovery), I’ve noticed how saying yes to opportunities often disguises itself as ambition, spontaneity, or generosity. But when we say yes because we don’t want to be left behind or we fear we’ll regret it later, it’s anxiety masquerading as inspiration.
What Psychology Tells Us About Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
Why are we so compelled to do more, even when it’s exhausting?
In our scarcity culture, we should always be doing more. And doing more gives us a sense of power, even as it depletes us. Even as it makes us broke. Even as it diverts our energy, time, and attention away from doing a few things well, or feeling grounded.
Perfectionism and Comparing Ourselves To Others
This invisible axis of superiority and inferiority gets activated when we take stock of what we do and what we have, and what we are capable of…all in comparison to others. The vacations, the boat, the perfectly casual flip flops, the extreme sports. And that’s a shame, because that axis of superiority/inferiority just a byproduct of our conditioning (thanks, capitalism).
Nonetheless, this is all turbocharged in summer, when the world seems to scream, “Live your best life NOW.” The internal tug-of-war between what we want, what we think we want, and what we need becomes real.
The Flip Side: Making Choices That Actually Fit
Let’s pause here and ask a few questions:
- Am I acting from inspiration, or fear of missing out?
- Am I choosing this because I want it—or because I want others to see what I’m capable of
- What do I need right now, in order to feel grounded and sane?
These are the kinds of questions I ask clients (and myself) when life gets noisy. Because decision-making isn’t just about yes or no—it’s about aligning with our values and our realities (energy, money, family needs).
Five Ways to Do Summer Without Comparing Yourself to Others
- Take a FOMO Inventory.
Look back on recent decisions—big and small. Were they based on what felt right for you, or what looked right on paper (or Instagram)? - Trust Yourself a Bit More.
Self-trust is the best FOMO antidote. If you know your “no” is grounded in what matters, it gets easier to say it—even if others are doing something shinier. - Redefine What Counts as “Summer Magic.”
Sure, European vacations are great. But so is a backyard popsicle party, a solo beach walk, or a good nap with the windows open. Shrink the scale, not the joy. - Balance Internal and External Focus.
It’s okay to care what others think, but don’t let it be your primary influencer. Let internal questions like “What makes sense for me today?” steer your choices. - Be Honest About Your Limits.
If your kids are melting down by 4 pm, or you’re running on fumes, it’s okay to cancel. Resting isn’t missing out—it’s making space for what actually matters.
In the End, It’s About What You’re Choosing In
Every “no” is also a “yes”—to rest, to alignment, to acceptance.
Every plan you opt out of opens up space for what genuinely fits your family, your wallet, your energy, your joy.
Summer doesn’t need to be a checklist. It’s a season. It’s two months in which the realities of your life happen to coincide with awesome weather and (if you’ve got kids) a different schedule.
When you lead with intention over comparison, your summer gets to be yours—and that’s where the real magic lives.
Struggling with burnout, anxiety, or feeling hard on yourself because this summer doesn’t feel like your best life ever?
We’ve all been there. The therapists on our team have intimate experience with stress, self-criticism, and life frustrations. You’re just a click away from booking a session with your therapist to get your summer (and your sanity) back on track.
Looking for a new therapist? Life doesn’t stop life-ing just because the sun is out. We can help connect you with someone who can help you navigate what you’re going through – because therapy isn’t seasonal.
About the Author
Elana Sures is the owner of Open Space Counselling. She has a Masters degree in Counselling Psychology from UBC (2005) and is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and an Accredited Clinical Supervisor with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors. Elana is a go-to expert on the psychological experiences of female high achievers.