I don’t know about you, but 2025 is making me really angry so far.
In fact, I feel like I’m fluctuating between fury and fear and sorrow on a daily basis (explanation not required). Are you experiencing this kind of whiplash as well?
Is anger bad?
The popular term “anger management counselling” has perhaps led us to think of anger as a problematic emotion. The field of psychology and self-help often portrays anger as a secondary emotion—something negative to be overridden by gratitude or deep breathing.
I cannot tell you how many women I have seen who tell me, “I don’t really get angry.” (My response: How do you feel when people disrespect you? When you’re misunderstood? When you see injustice occur?)
I cannot tell you how many couples I’ve seen who tell me, “We don’t fight.” (My response: so what happens when your partner puts up a wall, or says something unfair and insensitive?)
I’m going to say something kind of controversial here: anger is good.
Wait, what…?!
Feeling angry is a natural and healthy response to injustice, violation, or being misunderstood.
According to Susan David, psychologist and author of Emotional Agility, “anger [is] a signal that something important is at stake and that we need to take productive action.”
So, if anger is a core emotion that serves an important purpose, why do we even need anger management counselling? And what is anger management really even about, then? Anger management strategies are essential skills help us tap into the core needs beneath our anger, and help us use behavioural, congntive, and somatic strategies to prevent anger from escalating…as well as strategies to express our anger in a more constructive way.
Anger ≄ Rage
When anger merges with fear, humiliation, or helplessness, it can sometimes overwhelm us, leading to rage. Rage turned outwards can be destructive and reckless.
Rage turned inwards can feel like a shame spiral or numbness. Neither are helpful (and that’s probably what people are thinking of when they refer to anger as a secondary emotion).
Anger management strategies are essential skills help us tap into the core needs beneath our anger, and help us use behavioural, congntive, and somatic strategies to prevent anger from escalating into rage…as well as strategies to express our anger in a more constructive way.
Working with a therapist can help you understand your anger, see longer standing anger patterns, and try out techniques that help identify triggers, de-escalate that intense feeling inside, and develop coping skills.
Why anger is necessary for self care
Anger is a signal that we need to take action to make things right. This is where setting healthy boundaries with anger comes in.
This can be enormously helpful when the target of our anger is someone with whom we can engage directly, whether through conversation or boundary setting.
The friend that keeps canceling on you at the last minute? Stop making plans with them. The partner who undercuts you around the kids? A firm conversation is in order!
If you struggle to set boundaries or express anger in a healthy way, therapy can help you develop these skills. Book a session with a therapist today and start taking control of your emotions.
Ok, but my anger is directed towards a f**ed up world. Now what??
When we have persistent angry feelings toward a leader, a policy, or senseless events taking place in the world, it can leave us feeling helpless and disempowered.
Where do we start when we feel angry and don’t have an obvious outlet or solution?
Take meaningful action
Feelings are a signal to action. And anger usually requires standing up for yourself (or others) or setting boundaries (with others or yourself). If you’re feeling lost, ask yourself: what is one small, actionable thing I can do? Some ideas for small but meaningful actions include:
- Time – Who is receiving my time? Am I devoting too much time to someone who is causing me pain? (Hint: this includes people on the internet.)
- Money – Who is receiving my money? Can I make choices around my spending that equate to setting a boundary?
- Attention – Who am I devoting (possibly too much) attention to? Who do I need to set boundaries with? Hint: this could involve your online behaviour, too.
- Words – If I have something to say, am I saying it well? Am I communicating to the right people in the right way?
If you’re struggling to channel your anger into productive action, a therapist can help you create a plan and learn anger management techniques. Schedule a therapy session now and start making meaningful changes.
“The purpose of negative emotions is not to cause misery. It’s to prevent mistakes. Outrage is a signal to speak up. Anxiety is a prompt to prepare. Guilt is a reminder to repair. Disappointment is a cue to persist. Pain reveals principles. Where we hurt is a clue to what we value.” — Adam Grant
Reading this, you may feel even more overwhelmed. Because this stuff is not only hard, but layered.
Injustice in the world can tap into personal traumas, intergenerational trauma, and feelings of isolation and being ‘othered.’
The nudge to set boundaries and have honest conversations with the people we feel angry towards can be so hard—especially if you have rejection sensitivity, guilt, or are a people pleaser. These situations can even impact your blood pressure and overall mental health conditions.
Can Therapy Help with Anger Issues?
You don’t have to figure this all out alone.
Therapy for anger issues can be a very effective tool in clarifying why you are so triggered and coming up with a plan that makes sense for you, that you can actually enact.
Counselling may be a good idea if:
- You feel anger towards someone but avoid conflict at all costs.
- You experience angry outbursts and then feel guilty afterward.
- Current situations or events are triggering post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms.
If it feels like a lot to hold space for (let alone unpack), we’re here to help. Find a therapist today and take the first step toward healthier emotional responses.Whether it is making sense of your reactions or finding a way to communicate to that tricky person in your life, this is what our therapists are here for!
Book a session with your therapist
About the Author
Elana Sures is the owner of Open Space Counselling. She has a Masters degree in Counselling Psychology from UBC (2005) and is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and an Accredited Clinical Supervisor with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors. Elana is a go-to expert on the psychological experiences of female high achievers.